Update

Well much has changed in the 7 months since my last entry! As of November, I am engaged to my lovely Andrea - we are gettin' hitched in August! It's hard to believe life is taking such a dramatic change for us, but we couldn't be more excited to "do life" together. August isn't coming fast enough...

In the meantime, Andrea is finishing up school at Salisbury, and I'm living with the parents (until the wedding, obviously.) While sometimes its hard not to wish the time away, I'm trying to learn all I can from this unique situation. I'm finding it harder to spend quality time with God while everything else seems to be pulling me away from this relationship which should be the foremost of my life. I think God is teaching me that the pursuit of Him is a joy, but also a discipline. I can't simply expect things to turn out fine if I'm only giving Him the scrapings of my time and energy.

This past Sunday, I ditched Sunday school in favor of studying the Word by myself (albeit at Starbucks.) I do usually go to Sunday school, but sometimes I feel I would be better prepared to worship corporately by being alone first. Anyhow, I decided to read through Joshua again. I would venture to say it's my favorite Old Testament book. Joshua's courageousness and confidence awakes a desire in my heart to be more courageous in my faith. I love his confidence because it is not in himself, but in the Lord's ability. I find myself often afraid to let go of my life and let Christ unleash his beauty and aliveness in me. Control is something we humans hunger for, yet ironically, when we have too much of it, disaster ensues. I want to be one who hurls his entire existence into Christ's arms in order that Christ can manifest himself in that life. This is what I want to be known for.

I'm seriously hoping to write here more often. Maybe like once a week, at least. Anyhow, that's it for now. Peace!

Good reading

Hey everyone (or, the four or so people who actually read this crap). I just finished Don Miller's Through Painted Deserts. Not as good as BLJ or SFGKW, but still good. Shoot, it's Don Miller! Anyhow, in the back he provided a link to the Burnside Writers Collective, an "an online resource for Christians looking for a connection with the world outside of franchise Christianity", of which he is the director. There's some pretty thought-provoking stuff in there by various contributors, some well-known and some not. (Remember Penny from Blue Like Jazz? She writes for that mug.) I also discovered in my Don Miller stalkings that he has a site where people can ask him questions and he responds. So check that mess out. Peace!

Bob Dylan and the Church

I just finished Chronicles, Vol. 1, Bob Dylan's autobiography. (I enjoyed it thoroughly and am hoping there will be more volumes to come.) I knew before reading this book that Dylan was a creative genius (mainly due to the influence of my Dad's borderline obsession with Dylan's music), but as I'm sure you can imagine, I now have a new sense of appreciation for his musical prowess. The guy had a truly gifted mind. Anyhow, the book also set straight a few misconceptions I had about him. He wasn't really a protest singer like I thought. He wrote protest songs, but that wasn't his main goal. He talked a lot about how people in the 60's kept trying to label him as "the voice of the generation", and how he just wanted nothing to do with it. He purposefully put out albums he knew the hippie types wouldn't like, just so they would stop trying to make him their ring leader. I think Dylan sang protest songs because they were a major element of folk music, at least in the 60's, and he was all about folk music. That was his true passion. His life work was about connecting with people through his songs. The thing that blew me away was how sometimes his lyrics weren't even the thing that allowed him to connect with people. Sometimes the lyrics had almost no significance at all. It was the way he played and the way he sang that stopped listeners dead in their tracks. His musical way of life was an inspiring thing. His songs were simple, but he poured meticulous creativity into each measure, and as a result, his music was more than music. People were absolutely captivated by it. I bet hearing him play his stuff could make you sensitive to things you'd never noticed before. The other creative arts (theater, literature, movies) can have the same effect on people.

As I finished the book, I was almost in a state of awe at the works of Bob Dylan - every second of every song completely infused with artistry. And I wondered, "What drove Bob Dylan to create such amazing music?" I believe he was inspired by a passion for musical excellence. He wanted to do music the best it could be done. And I believe he did. I believe Bob Dylan created some of the most quality music in history.

It got me thinking about the Church, and how there used to be a time when some of the highest-quality creative material was God-inspired. Handel's Messiah comes to mind. It took Handel only 24 days to write this lengthly, intricate musical adaptation of Scripture. It is some of the most staggeringly beautiful music I've ever heard. I believe he was directly inspired by God to write it, almost as if God was simply using Handel's hand to write the music Himself. I read that while Handel was composing it, his assistant would "often find him weeping silently at his desk, overcome by the beauty and majesty of the music that was flowing from his pen." Try to imagine being so inspired! I think also of the authors of traditional hymns, like the Wesley brothers or Martin Luther. Luther is primarily responsible for the introduction of congregational singing to the Christian church. He believed that music is a literal gift from God to mankind.

These men were all creative geniuses. What they had in common (at least Handel and Luther, that is) was that they were God-inspired. And who wouldn't be? No one should be surprised that the greatest Story ever told prompts such creative brilliance. Fact is, if we believe that something so wonderful and redeeming as the Gospel is true, we should be bursting at the seams with the joy that comes from knowing that we are known and loved by God. It's my personal belief that this, in turn, should spawn some of the most breathtaking art, most well-written literature, and most beautiful music ever created.

What's holding us back?

Not addicted...yet...

I drink coffee almost every morning. They always have a pot brewing at Strickland Fire Protection, where I work. Previous to this job, I never drank coffee. The combined elements of bad breath, increased chances of kidney stones, tooth discoloration, and that I simply didn't really care for the taste, all pointed to a fairly obvious decision to "say no to joe." Upon starting this job, however, I figured that if the coffee was there, free for my consumption, I might as well give it a try. After all, although I've never cared for coffee, I've always liked the idea of having something hot to drink in the morning. Thus I began my ritual of heading straight for the coffee station when I come into work. And I have to say I actually like coffee now, (granted I have a child-like sweet tooth, and consequently add irrational amounts of cream and sugar) but I don't think I'm addicted. I only drink it during the week, and I do fine Saturday and Sunday mornings without it. So it shall then be my objective to continue drinking it, whilst avoiding dependence of any kind. Is this even possible, I wonder? Most regular coffee-drinkers I know are always staying stuff like "I need my cup of coffee every morning," or "Don't even talk to me until after I've had my coffee." I would never want to become this way, where my overall mood is determined by the amount of caffeine in my bloodstream. Rather, I'd like to be able to enjoy a hot cup of joe in the morning, as a bonus, not a necessity. "Everything in moderation," as Socrates said. Was it Socrates? Plato? Aristotle? I forget. Anyhow, at this point I'm rambling. Probably the caffeine kick I'm on right now.

Layin' some STANK on this track!

Yesterday I went over to Chad's to lay down some beats for none other than Matt Lohr! Believe or not, this kid can rap! He's already got a couple of quality rhymes in the works, and I'm just trying to give him some beats and chord progressions to work with. So it's Chad on the computer, me on the keys, and Matt on the mic. Two white guys and a Korean making rap music? We'll see what we come up with!

Wedding reception music sucks.

I've concluded that people need to start picking some new dance songs to play at wedding receptions. Seriously. The Macarena? Really? It's been like a decade, people. If I were planning my wedding reception music right now, here's some overplayed songs I would avoid...

Love Shack
Play That Funky Music
The Cha-Cha Slide
Brick House
YMCA
Celebration
We Are Family

Just to name a few. I know what you're thinking. "But I love it when all the guys go 'You're what?' and all the girls yell 'Tiiiiiiiiiiiiin roof...rusted!'" And yes, that part is a lot of fun...THE FIRST TIME. But when I recently did that for like the 26th time this year, a new thought entered my mind: Wow, I freaking hate this song. Maybe I'm just overly cynical because I'm at that age when all your friends are getting married and you attend like 30 weddings every summer, and after a while they all start blending together in your memory. Seriously, try to imagine what Strong Bad would think/say if he were in the same position. "No way do I have to dance to this stupid song all the freakin' time." I say we employ some musical variety here! Start playing some hard-core gangsta-rap or some go-go or some bluegrass or something.

So honestly, am I right? Am I being too cynical? Should I just shut the heck up? Your thoughts!

Why read?

Given my dramatically increased amounts of free time from not being in college and only working from 9-3, I've found myself with a newly discovered fondness for the world of literature, and have already devoured several books in the past month or so. Subsequently, I'm becoming more and more aware of the benefits of reading of any kind. I think most would agree that a person who reads for pleasure is more prone to appreciate life and benefit the lives of others than, say, a person who spends the majority of their leisure time watching TV or playing video games. However, I'm finding that my increased reading is very subtly causing my pride to surface. When I read something particularly enlightening, especially in a Christian book, little sparks of superiority flare up in my heart, and I take selfish joy in the notion that I know something that my Christian peers necessarily do not.

This idea is expressed more clearly in The Confessions of St. Augustine, which I'm currently reading (no irony intended)...

"When the impetuous power of the soul is viciously inclined, and it swaggers in mutinous, insolent pride, violent crimes are the outcome; when that appetite of the soul which thirsts for carnal pleasures is not moderated, vices are the result; so too, if the rational mind itself is vicious, errors and wrongheaded opinions corrupt our life. Such was the condition of my mind at this time. I did not realize that it needed to be open to the radiance of another light in order to become a partaker of the truth, for it is not itself the essence of truth. Rather it is you, Lord, who will light my lamp: O God, you will illuminate my darkness and from your fullness we have all received. For you are the true light, which illumines every human person who comes into this world (John 1:9), and in you there is no variation, no play of changing shadows (James 1:17).

"Instead I was striving to reach you by my own efforts, and you thrust me away to taste death, because you thwart the proud (James 4:6; 1 Peter 5:5). What could be prouder than my outlandish delusion, whereby I laid claim to be by nature what you are? I was subject to change, as was obvious to me from the fact that I was clearly seeking to be wise in order to change for the better, yet I was prepared even to think you changeable rather than admit that I was not what you are. Therefore I was thrust away, and you thwarted my puffed-up obstinacy. I conjured up material forms in my imagination, and I who was flesh disparaged the flesh, for I was a roving spirit that had not yet returned to you (Psalm 78:39). I persisted in walking after things that had no existence either in you or in me or in any creature, ideas not created for me by your truth but invented in material shape by my own vanity. To your little ones, faithful Christians and my fellow-citizens, from who I was unwittingly exiled, I babbled away in my petulant fashion, asking, "If God made the soul, why does it fall into error?" But I did not like to hear in reply, "On your showing, we might ask why God falls into error." I was readier to assert that your immutable substance had been forced into error than to confess that my own mutable substance had gone astray by its own will, and that its error was its punishment."
As I read this, I became suddenly aware that I had been subconsciously reading for two seemingly praiseworthy, but truly selfish purposes:

1.) To impart my knowledge to others. This purpose can sound like a good reason to gain knowledge through reading. I believe God uses people as channels through which to speak His truth, and I believe God has spoken to me personally through certain people He's blessed with wisdom. However, it should never be my objective to impart my knowledge on other people simply because I can. Thinking back, I realize that when certain people have tried to share wisdom with me, I didn't take their words to heart if I didn't feel that their words were expressed in genuine, selfless love. I'm so put off by self-righteous Christians who look for any situation to share their "wisdom", regardless of whether or not the situation is appropriate, or if the listener even needs to hear it. Conversely, I owe a debt of gratitude to loving individuals who had my best interest at heart when they shared their God-given wisdom with me. Their words were wise but, more importantly, seasoned with love. As Paul says, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God." (1 Corinthians 8:1-3).

2.) To gain favor with God. This is human pride in its purest form. It causes me to falsely conclude that by reading Christian books, I have gained more favor with God, when the Bible is explicitly clear about all humans being equally unrighteous before God (Romans 3:9-12).

I find that I understand my problems much better when I talk (or type) them out. So now that I've laid everything out, the most obvious question for me to answer is this: What, then, should my purpose be for reading? It seems that, instead of pursuing wisdom in order to become superior to my peers, I should seek this wisdom with the intention of dispensing it only as it pleases God, never "tooting my own horn." With regard to gaining favor with God, I pray that He continues to teach me that it is only by Jesus' sacrifice that I'm able to become justified in His sight. Don't get me wrong - I think that reading God-centered literature is a great way to fix your mind on Him and understand His ways a little better; It should just never be confused with the saving grace that only comes through Jesus' blood.